If there is an epidemic affecting us as men, it is this: we live—and love—within very narrow parameters of which we are not even aware.
I think this is what Thoreau meant when he said, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation."
As sexual men, this desperation is leading to a silent crisis of porn addiction, loneliness, and depression. We may want to feel ourselves deeply in our bodies, in our relationships, and in our lives, but the frames we live in are too narrow to allow it.
In our sexuality, both alone and with a partner, we may settle for a routine that "works" and a version of ourselves that is "polite" enough to get the job done…
I’ve done it myself. Not because something was broken, but because most of us were never shown how deep our energy actually goes. We were taught to be safe, not potent. Compliant, not charged.
For me, breaking out of that cage occurred when I understood the nature of being a Phallic Man. When I say "Phallic," I’m not talking about puffed-up macho performance. Or just a man with a penis.
I mean a man who is grounded in the flesh of his body, who enjoys the charge of his sexual energy as it pulses through him all day long, and is able to bring his masculine energy into the room without apology and without force.
To truly own your phallicism means more than just having sex; it means enjoying the weight of your sexual presence wherever you go—and then choosing exactly when you want to unleash it fully.
This is a large focus of the work we do in the year-long Soul of Men Training, and in this blog series, I want to outline 10 specific stages you can explore to embody this in yourself.
I am writing this on the first day of Spring, 2026—the perfect date to wake up the dormant energy of our libidos and step into the world in a fresh way.
Men—are you ready for this journey? Join us on this path to own your Phallicism and bring forth the wealth of who you really are, as a sexual man.Ho! Ayot - 20 March 2026
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